Shame feelings

Last week I assisted my nephew’s birthday and had the opportunity to talk to him and his little friends – most around 6. It seems that they perceived something strange in my speech and began to laugh at it and make jokes.

As soon as I detected it I paid more attention and began to control my fluency. However, I felt a clear feeling of shame. I didn’t get affected emotionally as the reaction was completely normal on children who are great perceiving (and punishing) difference

However, this has made me reflect on the issue as I’ve found common ground with another situation. Particularly, since I knew that a baby was coming, I have been thinking of how my stuttering will affect the relationship with my son. Again, a feeling of shame appears when I visualise myself stuttering in front of my children.

Frustration feelings

It is getting difficult to detect feelings after a blockage or stuttering behaviour. I don’t know whether it is a defensive behaviour I have been developing for years or it is caused because of the fact that most of my blockages are not severe.

A common feeling I tend to have is frustration. Stuttering poses challenges in important areas of my professional life – specifically, public speaking. I have little problem in speaking to small audiences but things get complicated when the audience is numerous or the event is very important.

Considering excellent communication skills are almost mandatory on top management positions, I tend to see stuttering as a barrier to professional achievement which generates frustration.

This feeling usually appears after a unsuccessful communication attempt in scenarios where I think I could have made a difference with a fluent speech.